I've been crying tonight again..sometimes just dun understand y i am so useless...always let my emotions control me...
Well...dad was asking me abt wat i decide to do for my future...he was telling me that he is willing to pay the fees for my SIM education...but he was hinting to me that its quite ex..cos at the same time brother was also going to study there...so he was asking me if i wan to study or not...he sae that its ok if i dun wan to study n come out to the society to work...but the condition is that my pay have to be used to support the family...but if i study..i dun have to support the family...if i wan to study...he wans me to give up on my 5566 n energy etc~he was telling me.."nan dao ni 30 sui le hai hui xi huan energy meh?"
I am confused..really confused...to be frank..i got no mood to study liao...but if i go work...i have to support the family..i mean i noe its a responsibility to support the family...but i think the time is not rite yet..i mean if dad wans us to support the family...brother shld be the one first rite...on the other hand..if i go n study...i have to do well n give up on my idols...i dunno y but i just find it difficult to do so...if i can do it..i would have already given up on it...not possible for me to have 5 yrs experience till now rite???I feel so tensed up now...i feel like leaving home....
Then as for my work side...i feel tired liao..i really feel tired...jess promised me to help me with something but she told me today that she couldnt...i have decided to look up for another job n change it to part-time liao...though laoda offered me an admin post to help mr larry n at the same time can continue doing wat i am doing now,but the pay is just too low for me...$300-$500 for admin side..u think i can survive with this little amt of money????Its all just impossible...then all the payment problem thing comes in again...nagging n nagging from all of them again..i cannot stand it anymore...i feel so stressed up..i suddenyl feel that no one understands me in this world...maybe thats the reson why i start chasing idols..its a type of ji tuo....
Enuff of the sad things...energy cumin next wk liao...so i should be happy rite??Then just read from cruz's blog that energy having autograph session on 10 july again...4pm at J8..its qing gong gai ban qian ming hui...so i guess i will be broke buying their albums ba... :P
To lao gong:
I think u are the onli one who i can tok to in this world..Though we are so far away n u may not noe me..i always feel that i can tok to u abt lots of things in my letter n i somehow feel that u noe my best...so u pao bu diao liao...u r destined to be my listener...
*~ S!@nGz~* wishhed*
Saturday, July 02, 2005
*~~~~~~可爱的牛~~~~~*